Monday, June 18, 2012

My Second Boat Party this Year

At this moment, my favorite item of clothing is hands down a pair of gray twill shorts I bought last week. I absolutely love them. And that's a huge milestone for me, because I don't think I've felt comfortable in a pair of shorts since I was 15. I forced myself to wear some when I was a camp counselor because needs must, but I hated the way I looked in them. Outside of camp, I stuck to capris on exceptionally hot days and jeans whenever I could get away with it. Last year I bought a pair of white bermudas (size 18!) that I really liked, but they were almost as long as a pair of capris.

These babies? They're short. Not hootchie short, obviously, but short. And I love the way I look in them. My legs aren't perfect--too much fat around my knees for my liking--but I'm finally excited to show them off. So Saturday morning, after doing the Shred, I put them on with a blue and white striped shirt and some cute bejeweled flip flops.

The first event of the day was our first book club meeting. I served build-your-own fruit pizzas and coffee. The fruit pizzas were sugar cookies, whipped nonfat cream cheese with Splenda, and sliced fruit. They went over very well. I don't think most people realize how much women appreciate healthy options. Everyone always opts for chocolate and melted cheese when they host, and that stuff can be delicious, it's true, but guilty snacking never made a party more fun. For me, at least. :)

The book club meeting was fun, even though I never could force myself to finish the book. We had some great discussion! I got a few compliments on how I look, which felt nice, but I'm still not great at handling those situations. After everyone left, I cleaned up as quickly as possible, and then Pete's dad picked us up to drive us out to Minnetonka for my brother-in-law's boating birthday party. The rain let up just as we were arriving to the dock and the sun came out for our cruise. Perfection!

For the most part, I sat stretched out on the back of the boat, letting my (bare) legs get some sun. I felt amazing. I wasn't the least bit self-conscious about how I looked, I felt completely at-ease with the group even though I didn't know half of them, and I let loose a bit. I definitely went over my points for the week. I let myself indulge in mixed drinks and beer because I'm young and I'm childless and I wanted to get drunk on the boat with everyone else. So I did, and I don't regret it.

Halfway through the trip, we docked at Lord Fletchers so we could get drinks and appetizers on their massive deck. Pete and I ordered mojitos and split a basket of coconut shrimp. Delicious, all of it! Then, back on the boat we went, where things started to get sloppy. Lots of spilled alcohol and chips, lots of falling over and urinating off the back of the boat (none of this can be attributed to me, by the way). The party ended exactly when it needed to and it was nice to leave with our carload of (comparatively) sober people while those who'd imbibed a bit more stumbled home.

At the party were two of Pete's friends who haven't always been the biggest fans of mine. One of them has always been pretty nice to my face, but never hid very well his disdain for my appearance, and I'd been in a bit of a stand-off with the other one until very recently. Both of them have changed their attitudes toward me since I've started losing weight. I'm not sure whether this can be attributed to size-ism, or if I'm just more at-ease around them with a better self image. Here's an example: 

The one I've gotten along well with for the most part helped out when I was moving in with Pete.

I remember dropping something on the way in the door during the move and bending down to pick it up, not realizing he was walking behind me. And I remember him uttering, "Ew!" in disgust at the sight of my derriere. That's the kind of person he is--rude. (He's a childhood friend of Pete's--they were thrown together because their parents are friends, so it's not like they have a lot in common.) While on the boat Saturday, this guy kept talking about how he wanted to smack my butt. Also rude, and awkward, and weird, but a huge contrast to the previous reaction my back end received from him. So there you go; drop the weight and you'll get harassed by your husband's obnoxious friends. What are you waiting for? :)

Speaking of the benefits of weight-loss, I found a really great thread on the "three fat chicks" website where people discuss how they feel now that they've hit their goal weights. I think this thread is FASCINATING. And so motivating! It can be hard to eat healthy, and depressing to track your food, and tiring to exercise, but it is all worth it, and I'm reminded of that when I get to show off my smaller legs in a really cute pair of shorts and see how differently I'm treated by the judgmental jerks who used to think of me as nothing. If you ever need motivation, just focus on your wins. And if you don't have any yet, you can borrow some of them from the thread. My favorites are:

It feels amazing.  I'd never been a normal weight and had no idea I could feel as good as I do. It was like taking off a 122-pound backpack and walking away. Now I feel like I'm walking on clouds or with springs on my feet. Even after all these years of maintenance, I'm still astonished at what this body is capable of doing. Pullups! Pushups! Sliding through narrow little spaces! Energy! Wearing clothes I never dreamed of fitting in!
I used to think that how I *look* would motivate me to stay at goal. In reality, it's how good I *feel*. There isn't any food in the world worth trading this feeling for.
I truly believe that if someone who is overweight could trade bodies with me for 24 hours and experience what it feels like to be fit and healthy, nothing in the world would stop them from losing the weight. So many of us have no idea how good it's possible to feel because we've settled for mediocre and making do for too long.
In the end, all I can say is that it's better than any of us could ever imagine. Be prepared for the best surprise of your life!

I've said/thought this SO many times. If I'd only known it was THIS fabulous I would have done it sooner. I knew it would feel marvelous, but honestly, I hadn't a clue it would be this overwhelming, stupendous, incredulous over the top PHENOMENAL. Every single day is like living in a fairly tale. I get to wear all these gorgeous outfits, I get to walk around full of energy, bouncing around, light on my feet, like walking on a cloud. No paranoia about who's walking behind me and staring at my enormous backside. No paranoia about taking up more then my fair share of space in the world.
I'm just going to copy and paste this from a post I wrote this morning:
"I wonder if it could be a case of you just don't know what you're missing.I knew being slim would be wonderful, but I hadn't a clue it would be THIS wonderful. Because it's surpassed any expectations I ever had. I never realized that it would encompass each and every aspect of my life. Going to the bank is easier and more enjoyable, as is doing all errands, going shopping, cleaning the house, doing the bills, going to the dentist, getting dressed, doing the laundry. You name it - it's more enjoyable - and easier."
Oh and about the hipbones, I've bruised mine many times walking into the counters. My butt hurts from many chairs because there's just not enough padding. It's okay, I'll take it!!!

I remember my first 10 mile hike. I actually floated along the trails. I had tears in my eyes as I climbed the hills without stopping to "pretend" to admire the scenery when I was really trying to get my breath and keep from passing out. It was a very emotional experience for me. Something I wouldn't trade for ANYTHING!
I feel giddy when I go shopping, I can buy all the REALLY good bargains that don't fit other people. I can try on 10 things and choose the one I like the BEST (and I like all of them) instead of buying the one thing I don't HATE.
I feel ecstatic when my husband wraps his arms around me and the bends down and picks me up and carries me.
I feel grateful and blessed every time I pass by a mirror - it still amazes me when I see the person staring back. Is that really me?
I feel happy when I walk into a room and know that I look and feel my best. I'm not looking around to see if I'm the biggest person in the room, I'm working the room and enjoying being social and carefree and having fun with everyone there.
I feel relieved when I walk into a restaurant and the waitress sits us in that little odd-shaped booth in the corner - where the table is oh-so-close to the seat - and I slide in easily, with almost too much room to spare.
I feel cocky when I walk down the aisle on an airplane an I see the smile of my seatmate - that a "little" person will be next to them. UNLIKE the look of horror I am used to experiencing.
I feel a huge sense of accomplishment when I go places with my children. I can participate fully in the experience. Instead of sitting and watching, or waiting at the top/bottom, or taking pictures of everyone else having fun.
I feel like a purring kitten when I eat one piece of dark chocolate - slowly. Savoring the experience. And I really do not want any more.
I feel like crying, I'm so overcome with emotion when I realize that the best years are yet to be, that I can/will enjoy them to the fullest - spending quality time with those I love.
As Meg said so well, I may look different, and that is great. But how I feel is the real pot of gold at the end of this weight-loss rainbow 

DH and I went away with some friends last weekend. Time after time I was mentioned as being the "small one" of the bunch. When pressed for space, it was, "let Robin sit there, since she's the smallest." I was buying sunglasses, I asked for opinions, one of the ladies said, "yeah take those, they don't overwhelm your tiny face." And I am taken aback. Are they really talking about me? ME???? I get all choked up, but have to hold it in. They can't possibly realize what they just said to me and how much it means.
During that weekend, I finally let my DH pick me up. He's been dying to. He just swooped me up. And I cried.
Shopping, ooh that's just beyond belief. It's really hard to choose now when, like CountingDown said, every single outfit looks - fantastic. I no longer have to settle for the one that looks the LEAST awful. Could be why I've amassed such a huge collection of clothing.

For me, a lot of it is about NOT feeling self-conscious. Sometimes I have to get up and speak in front of people for my job and now I always notice the absence of the worries I used to have about what people were thinking about me. Were they thinking "Look how fat this woman is. She must be stupid and lazy." Were they looking at my clothes and thinking I was too big to wear what I'm wearing or that my belly rolls were showing through my shirts? Were they dismissing everything I said because I was fat?
Now I don't think about what I look like when I get up in front of people *at all* and I can focus on what I'm saying and connecting with the audience. It's really amazing.
Shopping with friends is a great feeling too. I have always loved shopping- even when I was relegated to The Avenue and Lane Bryant. Now, I can finally go shopping with my girlfriends and try things on and come out and show it to them and have them say "Ooooh, that looks great!" And I can do the same for them. I love this and I feel like I missed out on it for all my life until now.
I really do look in the mirror and love what I see. I'm not perfect- I have cellulite and stretch marks. But I feel like I'm average. Nobody is going to look at me and think anything about my weight. I feel like they can finally just see me as a person and not a fat suit.
I concur with the hip bones and ribs and other knobby bones I never knew I had, they're fascinating. Collarbones especially. And shoulder muscles! How cool is that. When I was fat, I could lay on my back in bed, lace my fingers on my belly, let my arms hang down and my elbows wouldn't be resting on the bed because my belly was so big. Now, I can rest my elbows on the bed and lace my fingers together and it makes a big arch over my body into which I could fit another me! It's really crazy. Also, I can't stop looking at myself in mirrors. Some people might think it's vain, but I don't care. I've worked damned hard for this and I'm going to enjoy it and let it really sink in!
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  1. I love 3fatchicks! I get so much inspiration from there. I bet you looked awesome in those shorts, Kate! I think those NSV are really what makes this whole journey count.

  2. Glad you felt confident in your should!

  3. I wanna punch him... but I think that was already done for me ;-)


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